IMPORTANT
I wrote up to the paragraph beginning 'Sadly' several months ago (like 5 or 6). I haven't changed much except finish it off a bit, so that's why the timeline doesn't add up. The reason I didn't finish it off then is because I was still super sad about what happened in the paragraph I ended on. I'll say when I have started writing again from, don't worry. Sorry for the wait :) Also, credit to Nadia for convincing me to carry on writing this blog when I was going to stop (...totally wasn't going to abandon you guys...)
Hi there again,
I know its been ages since I last posted anything, but I just thought I would take a break over the summer holidays. Sorry that its taken me so long to catch up. This post is for Saturday the 2nd July (ages ago, I know) until Sunday 28th August. Obviously that is a long time, so I won't cover EVERYTHING that has been going on, just the most important factors.
First of all, I was feeling really ill and basically staying in bed all day everyday, only getting up to use the loo. But then my cousins, who I haven't seen in YEARS because they live in New Zealand, came over to see me. The oldest one is Jack, who is about 2 years younger than me, then Elliot, who is 3 or 4 years younger than me, and then Katie, who is 8. I get on the best with Jack and Katie, though Elliot is fun too, probably because everyone says we are so alike (although they are a LOT better at hockey than me :P) and Elliot is so similar to my brother its scary.
I got up and tried to be a good host to them, and within the first half an hour of their arrival, Katie had already managed to spill coke on the carpet, which was hilarious. They stayed for 4 days, the first two Jack slept in my brother's room with him and Elliot, the last two in my room with Katie and I. My Aunt and Uncle stayed in an apartment in town which just so happened to be above my favorite restaurant, so that was cool.
While they were here, we went to a forest place and made forts and shelters using logs and branches, which was fun, and Katie looked like she was feeling a little left out, being the youngest and all, so I took her on a special shopping trip in town with my Aunt and my neighbor, and got the three of us kids matching lip glosses (Katie got pink and sparkly, my neighbor got pink, and I got my usual scarlet red). I also took them to a toy shop, and got Elliot a toy pig (he is obsessed with pigs and sloths..?), Jack some glow in the dark pens (he loves art) and Katie a TY toy (she collects them). My Aunt then got me a toy as well, despite the trip being my treat, and we all had hot chocolates and cake in a cafe.
Later we watched this hilarious film called Grimsby, which is actually pretty inappropriate on so many levels, but also the most hilarious movie I have ever seen. Small spoiler: in it, Donald Trump gets aids. Ironically, the way we watched it was because my Aunt started saying that she couldn't believe my Uncle had let them see it in New Zealand... so one thing led to another, and we watched it... and my mum was not very happy...
Katie loves to play with playmobile, and I have tonnes from years go, so all of us played this huge game of it together, where Elliot and my brother lived in a castle, Jack and Katie lived in this huge 2 story apartment thing, and I lived in a little farm house. It was great that we could all do something together.
I had to go into hospital for more chemo while they were here, so they all went into Oxford and explored. My dad took them punting in the Thames, and of course fell in. I wish I'd seen that!
We took them on picnics and stuff, too, and pub lunches by the river, and those kinds of things that parents like to do. Jack also fell off our little dingy into the Thames at one point, and again I missed it *sighs*.
They all went over to Berlin for about 4 days then, and I caught up on some much needed rest. They soon returned, though, and this time I was feeling even better!
We made a ramp out of a door and a couple of hay stacks on my front lawn, and we were speeding down the street in my brother's go kart, and flying off the ramp. It was so fun! I landed on my back at one point, and then Jack started going down on a BMX, but when my brother tried on the BMX he fell of and still (months later) has scars on his legs. My brother has a YouTube channel which he loves, and the cousins were all a part of it at some point.
Then it was my friend's birthday, so I decided to make her a cake with Katie. It was 4 layers of devil's chocolate cake... yummy... and then Jack and I decorated it. It had a layer of chocolate fudge buttercream in between each layer, and on top, and all around the sides, and chocolate curly flake things on the top, with silver balls saying 'T' (my friend is called Therese). The best part, though, was the surprise inside, because when you cut it open, Smarties spilled out! Jack said it was the best cake he'd ever had.
Unfortunately, all too soon, the cousins had to leave. It was suddenly very quite, and I went to school as much a I could before it ended. Then I took up Morse code, but soon just couldn't be bothered. It was really awkward at school because we have a 'presentation' assembly at my school, where you have to go up on stage and shake the head teacher's hand, but I wore a hoody because I was bald and my wig doesn't fit... and as I went up I could just feel everyone staring and hear them whispering. I didn't make it up -my friend's told me later that it was true when I asked. Still better than if I went up bald, however. If I did that I would never hear the end of it...
OK, after maybe a week my Granny and Granddad (technically step-granddad, but I just call him granddad) came over, also from New Zealand. I hadn't seen them in 4 years, since their house fell down in a huge earthquake, so it was a big thing. My Granny loves knitting, so I asked her to teach me how to knit. The pair went up to London for a couple of nights, and I caught up with my BFF, and she brought over boxes and boxes of chocolate/sweets which we scoffed while playing Mario Kart on the Wii and Wii U. Good times.
When they came back from London, we went on a few picnics and stuff, like with the cousins, but nobody fell into the water. We also went into Cambridge for a night, and it was good fun. By the time we got back, I had finished the book I was reading (The Book Thief -a new favorite of mine, and a definite must read), and I also finished my knitting! With Granny's help, I managed to knit a cute little hat for Katie (edit: Katie, if your reading this, I meant to send it to you for Christmas, but I forgot, sorry. I'll post it soon, I promise!). Thanks, Granny!
I started on a phone case for Jack, but just couldn't really get into it, which is a shame as the wool was a special one which changed colour from black to red, which was really cool. I also started a new book series (as in a started writing one, not reading one) for toddlers. I have finished the first story, but am yet to finish any others, although I can't wait to. I am going to ask my friend to help me format it on a computer (she is much better than me at graphics and art) and then I will take it to the public library to see what response it gets from the toddlers story time there. I have looked into copyright laws and stuff, and its really easy to be protected! If it gets a good response, I am going to try to get it published... It will be very hard, though.
My brother went up to my other grandparents in Yorkshire with my other Aunt, and I was shocked at how much quieter it is to be an only child. Ahh, the blissful silence.
OK, This is written now (refer to author's note at top if confused):
Sadly, while my brother was in Yorkshire, my great aunt (my mum's aunt) passed away from a heart attack. It was really hard on me because she was one of my relatives I've always felt especially close to, and she was always so kind and generous. I spoke at her funeral, and can't remeber exactly what I said, other than the following passage:
Aunty Jo was always really funny, even when she wasn't trying. I remember one time we were staying in a house in [insert name of island], and I was playing in the living room or the little house we had rented, when she walks in and goes "Avvv ou een me teef, a canny fin me teef". That was when I found out she had fake teeth.
To make matters even worse, a few weeks later my granddad was also diagnosed with cancer, this time bladder cancer. He has since had his bladder removed but has spent the past 4 months in and out of hospital, as he hasn't exactly reacted well to the operation. My grandma, his wife, has been staying in a care home since the operation.
I finnished chemo in August, but tbh I still don't feel back to my normal self. I don't think I ever will, really. Mentally especially, you can't forget feeling lost in time as you are poisoned in a hospital, feeling like your stomach is an endless empty pit, and the midnight pain, but also physically. Chemo left tonnes of scars all over my body, especially on my hips and legs, and they will never completely go. Normally I just wear long trousers and don't notice, but when I'm in the shower, or for whatever reason can see them, I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to put chemotherapy behind me.
-Mitt (sorry I got a bit depressed writing the last bit)
Thursday, 23 March 2017
Saturday, 2 July 2016
Week 6 of Chemo
Hi again,
This week is from Saturday 25th June until Friday 1st July.
Saturday was the day of my brother's school fair, the last we will ever attend. We turned up late, ate a plate full of cupcakes, had an ice lolly and Dad won a coconut from one of those coconut shy things. We went over to the head teacher, but she was almost definitely avoiding us on purpose, as she knew about my condition and kept running away when we went over to talk. Ironically, there was an Emergency Ambulance there, too, for show. Not. Funny. I've had enough ambulances for a life time, thank you very much.
On Sunday, I went out for lunch with my family, and had an amazing burger. Definitely ranking in my top 3 burgers of all time, though the best ever is still the cheese and bacon one from the Gourmet Burger Kitchen. Man, that was good. The cheese just makes it.
Then it got a bit overwhelming, and I had to go shopping for a friend's birthday present, then I went to her party at a cinema to see a movie I had already seen and thought was kinda rubbish (The Secret Life of Pets). It was good to socialize for once, and everyone was really nice, but it was too much at the end and I felt absolutely awful by the time I was home.
I took to wearing a head scarf in public, like Muslim woman often do, which is really comfy but falls off quite easily. Honestly, I don't know how those woman do it! When I wake up in the morning, my hair looks like candy floss, as it is wispy, sticks up, and is pink-red. I have grown to like it now, though its still a shock when I look in the mirror.
I felt rubbish all day on Monday, like a punishment for going out on Sunday. Tuesday I had to go back in to hospital -a day later than it should have been, due to the delayed vincristine last week. I got Burger King for a second breakfast, and regretted it. I don't think I will be having any more fast food for a long while!
Also, on Tuesday, my Uncle came over. That was good, as I hadn't seen him in at least a year. He was gone he next day, though, and I didn't see much of him. He is the manager of his own wine company (Haha Wine click here for more info) and is over trying to sell it to more shops.
The side effects from the vincristine made me feel awful all day. I woke up at 4 the next morning, and my mum made me scrambled eggs. At 5 I was hungry again, and she made me some spaghetti bolognaise. It was good.
I was hangry all day (grumpy, hungry and angry) and yeah that sucked. I went to a BBQ for lunch at a friend's house, but I felt a bit faint after being in the sun for too long. I take back everything I said about the phone thing last time: my dad has since spent hours on end trying to get it to work, going into several different shops, websites and customer help services, and even sending it to different countries (!). Unfortunately, despite his efforts, it still won't work.
On Thursday, I felt OK so I went into school for a science lesson. I didn't know that it was house science, though (a competition between different forms at our school in which you have to do a task and do it the best). I spent pretty much the whole lesson cutting out words for a display board. Well, that's going to be beneficial to me in later life: 'Oh yeah, and I cut out a very nice word'. Never mind.
It was good to go out though, and when my class saw me they were all really kind and supportive, although I was really embarrassed when they said they all read this blog. Hi, guys.
I managed to return a couple of library books, which was good. It was so fun to see my best friend, who gave me a big hug and cheered when I walked in. I invited her around for dinner on Friday.
Friday was the school sports day, and I didn't go, as it would do me more bad than good (my BFF didn't either). I did a bit of geography at home because I felt like it, and then she came over. At first I felt ill but then it was OK, and we played Minecraft and then Mario Kart 8 on my brother's Wii U with him. I didn't come last, for once, but 2nd! Then my brother left for his school disco.
For dinner, we had tacos.
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!
I love tacos...
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mmmmm...
Tacos...
Sorry, OK I'll stop now...
BUT TACOS!!!!!!!!!
Sorry.
We got these taco boat things we saw in an ad, and they were really good. The best taco ever is: taco boat, cheese, rice, cheese, chicken, cheese, spinach, cheese, more cheese. Don't forget the cheese, its the best bit! Especially if its cheddar...
Mmmm I really want tacos right now...
Bye for now, I'm gonna go get some tacos if I can...
Mitt xox
WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT! My parents tried to get me to eat... wait for it... FISH IN A TACO. Yes, you read that correctly. Fish. In. A. TACO! No. It is not to be done. Just no. No.
This week is from Saturday 25th June until Friday 1st July.
Saturday was the day of my brother's school fair, the last we will ever attend. We turned up late, ate a plate full of cupcakes, had an ice lolly and Dad won a coconut from one of those coconut shy things. We went over to the head teacher, but she was almost definitely avoiding us on purpose, as she knew about my condition and kept running away when we went over to talk. Ironically, there was an Emergency Ambulance there, too, for show. Not. Funny. I've had enough ambulances for a life time, thank you very much.
On Sunday, I went out for lunch with my family, and had an amazing burger. Definitely ranking in my top 3 burgers of all time, though the best ever is still the cheese and bacon one from the Gourmet Burger Kitchen. Man, that was good. The cheese just makes it.
Then it got a bit overwhelming, and I had to go shopping for a friend's birthday present, then I went to her party at a cinema to see a movie I had already seen and thought was kinda rubbish (The Secret Life of Pets). It was good to socialize for once, and everyone was really nice, but it was too much at the end and I felt absolutely awful by the time I was home.
I took to wearing a head scarf in public, like Muslim woman often do, which is really comfy but falls off quite easily. Honestly, I don't know how those woman do it! When I wake up in the morning, my hair looks like candy floss, as it is wispy, sticks up, and is pink-red. I have grown to like it now, though its still a shock when I look in the mirror.
I felt rubbish all day on Monday, like a punishment for going out on Sunday. Tuesday I had to go back in to hospital -a day later than it should have been, due to the delayed vincristine last week. I got Burger King for a second breakfast, and regretted it. I don't think I will be having any more fast food for a long while!
Also, on Tuesday, my Uncle came over. That was good, as I hadn't seen him in at least a year. He was gone he next day, though, and I didn't see much of him. He is the manager of his own wine company (Haha Wine click here for more info) and is over trying to sell it to more shops.
The side effects from the vincristine made me feel awful all day. I woke up at 4 the next morning, and my mum made me scrambled eggs. At 5 I was hungry again, and she made me some spaghetti bolognaise. It was good.
I was hangry all day (grumpy, hungry and angry) and yeah that sucked. I went to a BBQ for lunch at a friend's house, but I felt a bit faint after being in the sun for too long. I take back everything I said about the phone thing last time: my dad has since spent hours on end trying to get it to work, going into several different shops, websites and customer help services, and even sending it to different countries (!). Unfortunately, despite his efforts, it still won't work.
On Thursday, I felt OK so I went into school for a science lesson. I didn't know that it was house science, though (a competition between different forms at our school in which you have to do a task and do it the best). I spent pretty much the whole lesson cutting out words for a display board. Well, that's going to be beneficial to me in later life: 'Oh yeah, and I cut out a very nice word'. Never mind.
It was good to go out though, and when my class saw me they were all really kind and supportive, although I was really embarrassed when they said they all read this blog. Hi, guys.
I managed to return a couple of library books, which was good. It was so fun to see my best friend, who gave me a big hug and cheered when I walked in. I invited her around for dinner on Friday.
Friday was the school sports day, and I didn't go, as it would do me more bad than good (my BFF didn't either). I did a bit of geography at home because I felt like it, and then she came over. At first I felt ill but then it was OK, and we played Minecraft and then Mario Kart 8 on my brother's Wii U with him. I didn't come last, for once, but 2nd! Then my brother left for his school disco.
For dinner, we had tacos.
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!
I love tacos...
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mmmmm...
Tacos...
Sorry, OK I'll stop now...
BUT TACOS!!!!!!!!!
Sorry.
We got these taco boat things we saw in an ad, and they were really good. The best taco ever is: taco boat, cheese, rice, cheese, chicken, cheese, spinach, cheese, more cheese. Don't forget the cheese, its the best bit! Especially if its cheddar...
Mmmm I really want tacos right now...
Bye for now, I'm gonna go get some tacos if I can...
Mitt xox
WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT! My parents tried to get me to eat... wait for it... FISH IN A TACO. Yes, you read that correctly. Fish. In. A. TACO! No. It is not to be done. Just no. No.
Monday, 27 June 2016
Week 5 of Chemo
Hi again.
This week is from Saturday 18th until Friday 24th June.
During the weekend I felt kinda normal, or at least as normal as I could with no hair and constant meds.
As it was the first week of my 2nd cycle of chemotherapy, I had to go in every day again. It sucks. I went in on Monday feeling really constipated with cramps, and found out the morphine was actually a likely cause of the pain (I have been off it since). Anyway, on Monday I was supposed to have vincristine, a drug, but it causes really heavy constipation, so I didn't have it. Same thing happened on Tuesday.
My mouth has been getting gradually worse, and on Wednesday the doctors thought it more than likely that I was going to have that fungal infection, same as last time. It makes everything except extra-strong mints and spaghetti bolognaise taste like cardboard. Actually, come to thing of it, burgers and bacon still taste good too :) . So on Wednesday they prescribed me EVERY kind of drug to kill the infection properly: fluconazole, gellclair, this special medication mouthwash, nystan, omeprazole, etc. They even took my braces out, which was pretty much the only good thing that's happened to me in months.
And guess what? Out of all those meds, they all taste gross, and none of them work! Argh!
My friend's dad came over to deliver about 10 books from the school library for me, which was really nice, but when I read them, there was a definite theme -almost all of them had at least 1 cancer patient in, and one had people dying of cancer left right and center. Encouraging.
At the hospital school, some of my teachers from normal school have been sending me work. It is so boring, especially as I had already done half of it in school. On week one of last cycle, I wrote this poem for a competition between a few hospitals, and it turned out that I won. Yay. I got a £10 Amazon voucher.
Thursday 23rd was my little brother's birthday. He invited about 5 friends and my Aunt over for go-karting, at this place with a 3 story track, but I was so bored as I had to watch. I'm not allowed to do it with a line in. It reeked of petrol and cheap pizza, and there was no WiFi (!) but it was fun for him. We had pizza back home, and one of his friends gave me a £10 book voucher and some scented shower gels, which was kind (and creepy, considering that particular friend has always appeared to hate me). Though I suppose I used to be friends with his older sister...
My brother got a new phone, same as mine but in black not gold, to replace the one he just lost. I thought that was really unfair, as when mine got stolen I had to wait 4 months with a £10 phone which sucked before getting a more expensive but even worse one for two years, and he got an amazing one after a week. Also, my new one doesn't work properly yet and I've had it almost a month now, but his worked after 3 days :( .
Sorry, I don't mean to sound so jealous and needy. I get it, there isn't much point spending loads on someone who could just die any second. But, to be honest, it does bother me. I try not to let it, but it does. Never mind. Just ignore me.
On Friday, I had a tiny sliver of his cake. That was all I ever got of it. Sorry, sorry. I'll quit with the whining.
My parents got me a new topper for my mattress. Its memory foam, and really comfy, but it still takes hours for me to sleep, and then I wake up loads in the middle of the night, and then I wake up at 4am wanting breakfast. Urgh. It is very comfy, but night time is so BORING.
So, on that cheerful note, see ya,
Mitti x
PS. My parents have actually been amazing to me, pretty much waiting on me hand and foot, making meals for me in the middle of the night, so ignore all that phone talk rubbish. My parents have been amazing.
This week is from Saturday 18th until Friday 24th June.
During the weekend I felt kinda normal, or at least as normal as I could with no hair and constant meds.
As it was the first week of my 2nd cycle of chemotherapy, I had to go in every day again. It sucks. I went in on Monday feeling really constipated with cramps, and found out the morphine was actually a likely cause of the pain (I have been off it since). Anyway, on Monday I was supposed to have vincristine, a drug, but it causes really heavy constipation, so I didn't have it. Same thing happened on Tuesday.
My mouth has been getting gradually worse, and on Wednesday the doctors thought it more than likely that I was going to have that fungal infection, same as last time. It makes everything except extra-strong mints and spaghetti bolognaise taste like cardboard. Actually, come to thing of it, burgers and bacon still taste good too :) . So on Wednesday they prescribed me EVERY kind of drug to kill the infection properly: fluconazole, gellclair, this special medication mouthwash, nystan, omeprazole, etc. They even took my braces out, which was pretty much the only good thing that's happened to me in months.
And guess what? Out of all those meds, they all taste gross, and none of them work! Argh!
My friend's dad came over to deliver about 10 books from the school library for me, which was really nice, but when I read them, there was a definite theme -almost all of them had at least 1 cancer patient in, and one had people dying of cancer left right and center. Encouraging.
At the hospital school, some of my teachers from normal school have been sending me work. It is so boring, especially as I had already done half of it in school. On week one of last cycle, I wrote this poem for a competition between a few hospitals, and it turned out that I won. Yay. I got a £10 Amazon voucher.
Thursday 23rd was my little brother's birthday. He invited about 5 friends and my Aunt over for go-karting, at this place with a 3 story track, but I was so bored as I had to watch. I'm not allowed to do it with a line in. It reeked of petrol and cheap pizza, and there was no WiFi (!) but it was fun for him. We had pizza back home, and one of his friends gave me a £10 book voucher and some scented shower gels, which was kind (and creepy, considering that particular friend has always appeared to hate me). Though I suppose I used to be friends with his older sister...
My brother got a new phone, same as mine but in black not gold, to replace the one he just lost. I thought that was really unfair, as when mine got stolen I had to wait 4 months with a £10 phone which sucked before getting a more expensive but even worse one for two years, and he got an amazing one after a week. Also, my new one doesn't work properly yet and I've had it almost a month now, but his worked after 3 days :( .
Sorry, I don't mean to sound so jealous and needy. I get it, there isn't much point spending loads on someone who could just die any second. But, to be honest, it does bother me. I try not to let it, but it does. Never mind. Just ignore me.
On Friday, I had a tiny sliver of his cake. That was all I ever got of it. Sorry, sorry. I'll quit with the whining.
My parents got me a new topper for my mattress. Its memory foam, and really comfy, but it still takes hours for me to sleep, and then I wake up loads in the middle of the night, and then I wake up at 4am wanting breakfast. Urgh. It is very comfy, but night time is so BORING.
So, on that cheerful note, see ya,
Mitti x
PS. My parents have actually been amazing to me, pretty much waiting on me hand and foot, making meals for me in the middle of the night, so ignore all that phone talk rubbish. My parents have been amazing.
Week 4 of Chemo
Hi again,
Wow, I really am behind with my posts! Never mind. This week (beginning on Saturday 11th June) was generally OK, so yeah...
I didn't have any chemo at all (not even steroids, for the first time since treatment began!). On Saturday I finally managed to eat something, though it really hurt. I ate a whole roast chicken on my own I was so hungry. Unfortunately, after not eating for so long, my tummy kinda rejected the food, and I puked it back up. It still tasted good though :) . On Saturday, my street of 11 houses (we are all quite close and friendly with each other, bar the new household at number 3, who don't really know anyone much) decided to have a street party for the Queen's 90th birthday. It had been planned weeks before I was diagnosed, and although I was asked, I didn't want to cancel it. Me, my brother and my next-door neighbor baked and decorated 3 cakes -a devils chocolate cake -for the kids- a Victoria sponge -for the adults- and a tray bake with a union jack flag on top made out of raspberries, blueberries and buttercream -for the more traditional adults.
I only stayed for about 10 minutes as I wasn't feeling 100%, so for the rest of it I was curled up on the sofa with a duvet watching this Australian border controls program and this cake shop program. My mum insisted I had some pink lemonade so I didn't get dehydrated again, but drinking anything hurt my chest so I couldn't breathe. My dad came in for a while, armed with two large slices of the devils cake, both of which I ate. It was fun a lazy kind of way, and we did a couple of suduko and had a crossyroads competition, which I won.
All the other days this week were pretty inconsequential, although at one point a little ambulance car had to come over because I was finding it hard to breathe, but I was fine after half an hour. My dad got me a pulse oximeter and a blood pressure cuff so I could feel 'reassured' about my breathing. When the community nurse came over she had to tell us what the readings actually meant as we didn't have a clue, and honestly, we still don't.
Not much else happened, really. I tried to keep my mind going with more suduko, but after a while they got too repetitive. I couldn't find any good new apps on the app store either. The days just seemed to draw into each other, and night time is the worst. My back ached, and my head and my ribs and most of all my stomach hurt. My dad kept giving me more and more morphine, as much as I was allowed, but I hate the bitter taste, and how drowsy it makes me, and it seemed to make the pain in my stomach worse and worse. I tried to stop it one day. I had none, not a single ml. But that made everything worse, as I got withdrawal symptoms which hurt so, so badly. Constipation and diarrhoea, too.
And that was the end of my first cycle! Which means that I'm now a quarter of the way through my chemotherapy already! Woop woop!
Bye for now,
Mitt xox
Wow, I really am behind with my posts! Never mind. This week (beginning on Saturday 11th June) was generally OK, so yeah...
I didn't have any chemo at all (not even steroids, for the first time since treatment began!). On Saturday I finally managed to eat something, though it really hurt. I ate a whole roast chicken on my own I was so hungry. Unfortunately, after not eating for so long, my tummy kinda rejected the food, and I puked it back up. It still tasted good though :) . On Saturday, my street of 11 houses (we are all quite close and friendly with each other, bar the new household at number 3, who don't really know anyone much) decided to have a street party for the Queen's 90th birthday. It had been planned weeks before I was diagnosed, and although I was asked, I didn't want to cancel it. Me, my brother and my next-door neighbor baked and decorated 3 cakes -a devils chocolate cake -for the kids- a Victoria sponge -for the adults- and a tray bake with a union jack flag on top made out of raspberries, blueberries and buttercream -for the more traditional adults.
I only stayed for about 10 minutes as I wasn't feeling 100%, so for the rest of it I was curled up on the sofa with a duvet watching this Australian border controls program and this cake shop program. My mum insisted I had some pink lemonade so I didn't get dehydrated again, but drinking anything hurt my chest so I couldn't breathe. My dad came in for a while, armed with two large slices of the devils cake, both of which I ate. It was fun a lazy kind of way, and we did a couple of suduko and had a crossyroads competition, which I won.
All the other days this week were pretty inconsequential, although at one point a little ambulance car had to come over because I was finding it hard to breathe, but I was fine after half an hour. My dad got me a pulse oximeter and a blood pressure cuff so I could feel 'reassured' about my breathing. When the community nurse came over she had to tell us what the readings actually meant as we didn't have a clue, and honestly, we still don't.
Not much else happened, really. I tried to keep my mind going with more suduko, but after a while they got too repetitive. I couldn't find any good new apps on the app store either. The days just seemed to draw into each other, and night time is the worst. My back ached, and my head and my ribs and most of all my stomach hurt. My dad kept giving me more and more morphine, as much as I was allowed, but I hate the bitter taste, and how drowsy it makes me, and it seemed to make the pain in my stomach worse and worse. I tried to stop it one day. I had none, not a single ml. But that made everything worse, as I got withdrawal symptoms which hurt so, so badly. Constipation and diarrhoea, too.
And that was the end of my first cycle! Which means that I'm now a quarter of the way through my chemotherapy already! Woop woop!
Bye for now,
Mitt xox
Sunday, 19 June 2016
Week 3 of Chemo
Hey there!
Sorry I haven't posted anything for while, but I've had some really bad days recently.
Sorry I haven't posted anything for while, but I've had some really bad days recently.
So this week (starting on Monday 6th June) was supposed to be pretty chilled out, with one lot of chemo on Monday, and then a hassle (and steroid!) free week. Let me tell you, it was not.
Monday was fine, kinda boring, to be perfectly honest. I went into hospital, had my chemo, waited around a bit, had an x-ray, waited around a bit more, had an ECHO scan, went home. An ECHO scan is no where near as cool as it sounds -its an ultra sound, like a pregnant woman has, and you basically just lie down for 40 minutes having jelly on your tummy while a lady looks at your heart on a screen. My heart is creepy. And you don't even get to eat the jelly because its not edible! Noooooo :'( .
Oh wait! Sorry, I nearly forgot! On Monday on the way home, I got my wig. Chemo has an annoying tendency to make your hair fall out, so there is this neat little charity called The Little Princess Trust which provides wigs for caner patients. The great thing about wigs is you can have them cut and curled and straightened and dyed to how you want them -before, my hair was all short and blonde/brown (until I dyed it red) and it wasn't very nice. My wig, on the other hand, is long, down to my waste, blonde with golden highlights, and wavy. It really is just like a princess's hair!
Tuesday was amazing. Like seriously incredible. I actually felt really good and normal for the first time in ages! I wanted to go in to school for the whole day, I felt so great, but exams were every lesson except last lesson, so I stayed at home for most of the day, and just went in for history, which was being taught by this Russian substitute I've never met. She was OK, but we learnt more Russian Language than we did History. And the only Russian we learnt was 'da'.
And then came Wednesday. Ah. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling a bit ill, so I went to the loo thinking that would resolve it. As I washed my hands, my ears started ringing and my sight began to go, so I rushed into my parents' bedroom and fell onto the bed. I felt really bad. In the morning I felt awful. My mouth hurt so much I couldn't even open it. I went to the loo again but I fainted while washing my hands. I was only out for a few seconds, but it felt like hours. Mum and Dad went nuts, calling the hospital and the ambulance and trying not to have panic attacks. It would actually have been quite funny if it wasn't so serious.
The ambulance people came (and had to prick me with a needle... ow!) and they took me to the hospital. Once I could open my mouth, I was told to drink lots and also to have sugary things, but I still couldn't eat anything because my mouth hurt so much. I lived on Pepsi :) .
I was also put on a drip, an infusion of other medicines and lots of morphine. I had to stay in hospital, unable to eat, for a few days, and when I had a shower on Thursday almost all of my hair fell out, which was a shock when I looked in the mirror. There was just this gross patch of red hair at the back, and it did not look good.
On Friday, my school was having a picnic on the field to celebrate the Queen's 90th birthday, and I was desperate to go. As the doctors had wanted to discharge me the previous day, I thought 'It won't be a problem' but it sure was. I asked the staff nurse and she said probably but I would have to ask the doctor. The doctor said no and I was really annoyed because it would never happen again and none of her reasons were valid. At all. My dad pulled a few strings and got the doctor to ask her boss, who said there was no reason why not, so I got to go! Annoying thing is, I got the times muddled, and I arrived with only 20 minutes to go, and I had to call at home first to get my wig. There was a BBQ and people were sharing around cupcakes and there was bunting, and it was just generally a really nice atmosphere. I was sitting with a couple of friends and some of their friends who I don't really know but went to their primary schools. However, by the end I was feeling a bit faint and dizzy so it was probably a good thing that I hadn't been there any longer, after all. I went home and was better by dinner, so it was all good.
So yeah, that week kinda sucked. Oh well, hopefully that was the worst of it.
See ya soon,
Mitt xox
The ambulance people came (and had to prick me with a needle... ow!) and they took me to the hospital. Once I could open my mouth, I was told to drink lots and also to have sugary things, but I still couldn't eat anything because my mouth hurt so much. I lived on Pepsi :) .
I was also put on a drip, an infusion of other medicines and lots of morphine. I had to stay in hospital, unable to eat, for a few days, and when I had a shower on Thursday almost all of my hair fell out, which was a shock when I looked in the mirror. There was just this gross patch of red hair at the back, and it did not look good.
On Friday, my school was having a picnic on the field to celebrate the Queen's 90th birthday, and I was desperate to go. As the doctors had wanted to discharge me the previous day, I thought 'It won't be a problem' but it sure was. I asked the staff nurse and she said probably but I would have to ask the doctor. The doctor said no and I was really annoyed because it would never happen again and none of her reasons were valid. At all. My dad pulled a few strings and got the doctor to ask her boss, who said there was no reason why not, so I got to go! Annoying thing is, I got the times muddled, and I arrived with only 20 minutes to go, and I had to call at home first to get my wig. There was a BBQ and people were sharing around cupcakes and there was bunting, and it was just generally a really nice atmosphere. I was sitting with a couple of friends and some of their friends who I don't really know but went to their primary schools. However, by the end I was feeling a bit faint and dizzy so it was probably a good thing that I hadn't been there any longer, after all. I went home and was better by dinner, so it was all good.
So yeah, that week kinda sucked. Oh well, hopefully that was the worst of it.
See ya soon,
Mitt xox
Saturday, 4 June 2016
Week 2 of Chemo
Hi again.
There isn't a lot for week 2, as I only had to go into hospital for 1 day, so I'm just going to pick up where I left off (or should I say PICC up). Hahahaha. Yeah, I'm not very funny. Oh well.
Saturday and Sunday were fine. Actually, Sunday was amazing. I just, ironically, felt so healthy and alive. I didn't have to go back into hospital until Tuesday, because Monday was bank-holiday. I felt quite ill on Monday night, but I think I was just worried my new PICC would be broken. It wasn't though, so that was good.
On Tuesday we just drove up to the hospital and then stayed for about 10 mins and then left. Easy.
But wow, Tuesday was so weird! In my family I am always the one who gets the small portions of food, because I have a tiny appetite. However, the steroids make you SUPER hungry, and instead of the 3 small meals I usually have, on Tuesday I had 10 large ones!!!
I had pasta first, then a large McDonald's meal, then soup, then pitta bread, then noodles, then loads of other stuff I can't even remember. That was weird. And I was still hungry!
Wednesday was normal again.
Thursday was super scary though. I was just watching my brother and his friend play Super Mario, being completely calm, when I start finding it really hard to breathe. This was expected though, because my cancer lump is close to my heart and respiratory system. But it kept getting worse, and I had a panic attack. My face went really hot and red, but the rest of me went cold, then I went dizzy and I couldn't see any more, and then I started shaking really badly and I just couldn't breathe and it was so scary.
We were on the way to the hospital but came back home because it stopped. I was so glad, partially because it was all over, and partially because Mum was making her special Chicken Tikka Masala for dinner, which I love and hadn't had in ages. What? The steroids really do make you hungry...
Friday was awful. I was so constipated I spent most of the day sitting on the loo. If you have any good tips to help with constipation, please comment, because it is one of the most painful side effects of chemo. Also on Friday, my tongue started to swell up and go all grey. It hurt.
Bye for another week, now we are pretty much caught up (Friday was yesterday).
Mitt xox
There isn't a lot for week 2, as I only had to go into hospital for 1 day, so I'm just going to pick up where I left off (or should I say PICC up). Hahahaha. Yeah, I'm not very funny. Oh well.
Saturday and Sunday were fine. Actually, Sunday was amazing. I just, ironically, felt so healthy and alive. I didn't have to go back into hospital until Tuesday, because Monday was bank-holiday. I felt quite ill on Monday night, but I think I was just worried my new PICC would be broken. It wasn't though, so that was good.
On Tuesday we just drove up to the hospital and then stayed for about 10 mins and then left. Easy.
But wow, Tuesday was so weird! In my family I am always the one who gets the small portions of food, because I have a tiny appetite. However, the steroids make you SUPER hungry, and instead of the 3 small meals I usually have, on Tuesday I had 10 large ones!!!
I had pasta first, then a large McDonald's meal, then soup, then pitta bread, then noodles, then loads of other stuff I can't even remember. That was weird. And I was still hungry!
Wednesday was normal again.
Thursday was super scary though. I was just watching my brother and his friend play Super Mario, being completely calm, when I start finding it really hard to breathe. This was expected though, because my cancer lump is close to my heart and respiratory system. But it kept getting worse, and I had a panic attack. My face went really hot and red, but the rest of me went cold, then I went dizzy and I couldn't see any more, and then I started shaking really badly and I just couldn't breathe and it was so scary.
We were on the way to the hospital but came back home because it stopped. I was so glad, partially because it was all over, and partially because Mum was making her special Chicken Tikka Masala for dinner, which I love and hadn't had in ages. What? The steroids really do make you hungry...
Friday was awful. I was so constipated I spent most of the day sitting on the loo. If you have any good tips to help with constipation, please comment, because it is one of the most painful side effects of chemo. Also on Friday, my tongue started to swell up and go all grey. It hurt.
Bye for another week, now we are pretty much caught up (Friday was yesterday).
Mitt xox
Week 1 of Chemo
Hey again,
Last time I ended just before starting chemotherapy treatment, so naturally I'm going to start 5 weeks in.
LOL.
Nope, I'm only 3 weeks in at the moment, so I'm going to start on the first week.
I went in on the first Monday only to find that the PICC line they had put in had already stopped working. Argh! Stupid PICC line. I had another cannula put into my hand for the night so that the faulty line wouldn't delay my treatment, but it was a right pain to wash my hands, go to the loo and pretty much everything else, too, as it was my right hand.
I was really nervous about having my PICC line taken out, but it was nothing, so don't worry if you every have to have one out.
That same day, I had the most drugs put into me than I ever will have again until another month's time. I had every single kind of chemo drug I will (hopefully) ever have, other than one which I'm only supposed to have on weekends. I had a particularly nasty one that day, called doxarubicine (I don't know how to spell it sorry), which makes your wee go bright red and scared the hell out of me when I first went to the loo. I hate it the most because a) its the one that makes you feel really sick and b) its bright red, and just looks so unnatural when its being put into you. At least with the clear drugs you can ignore them!
Also, that day I started having the steroids. They. Taste. Gross. Like, seriously, couldn't they at least put a sweetener in? I have to have 4 small steroid tablets at lunch, 4 at dinner, and 1 small and 1 HUGE at breakfast every day. Yuck.
I thought the Monday would be the worst, as it was the first day and the one with the most drugs, but boy, was I wrong.
Tuesday was one of the worst days of my life so far. I knew that I was having another line put in, but had presumed it would just be another PICC, which just goes into your arm and is basically a big cannula. However the doctors forgot to mention that if they couldn't, for whatever reason, put the PICC in, they were going to put in a Hickman! I DO NOT WANT A HICKMAN. They go from your groin all the way up into your heart, with the risk of collapsing a lung. No thanks.
They had to let me talk to other patients with Hickman lines in before I would agree to go ahead with it, and even then I REALLY didn't want one. They put me to sleep with another general anesthetic and when I woke up I was so relieved to find out I didn't have a Hickman. So relieved.
I had only 1 drug (except for anti-sickness and steroids, which are tablets I have to have every day) and that drug was fine, it just takes a whole 2 hours, which kind of sucks.
Wednesday was fine, really, with just that 1 drug and a whole load of sausage rolls. I love sausage rolls. Thursday started off fine, but I felt so ridiculously sick in the afternoon, it was awful. Same went for Friday, but Thursday was definitely worse.
I met this guy on Friday who was having chemo for the second time. He had had leukemia before, but it had just come back again. His new chemo will last 3 years and 5 months, poor guy I feel really sorry for his family, because his sister had cancer too.
I stayed home at the weekend, so yeah, that was my first week of chemotherapy.
Bye,
Mitt xox
Last time I ended just before starting chemotherapy treatment, so naturally I'm going to start 5 weeks in.
LOL.
Nope, I'm only 3 weeks in at the moment, so I'm going to start on the first week.
I went in on the first Monday only to find that the PICC line they had put in had already stopped working. Argh! Stupid PICC line. I had another cannula put into my hand for the night so that the faulty line wouldn't delay my treatment, but it was a right pain to wash my hands, go to the loo and pretty much everything else, too, as it was my right hand.
I was really nervous about having my PICC line taken out, but it was nothing, so don't worry if you every have to have one out.
That same day, I had the most drugs put into me than I ever will have again until another month's time. I had every single kind of chemo drug I will (hopefully) ever have, other than one which I'm only supposed to have on weekends. I had a particularly nasty one that day, called doxarubicine (I don't know how to spell it sorry), which makes your wee go bright red and scared the hell out of me when I first went to the loo. I hate it the most because a) its the one that makes you feel really sick and b) its bright red, and just looks so unnatural when its being put into you. At least with the clear drugs you can ignore them!
Also, that day I started having the steroids. They. Taste. Gross. Like, seriously, couldn't they at least put a sweetener in? I have to have 4 small steroid tablets at lunch, 4 at dinner, and 1 small and 1 HUGE at breakfast every day. Yuck.
I thought the Monday would be the worst, as it was the first day and the one with the most drugs, but boy, was I wrong.
Tuesday was one of the worst days of my life so far. I knew that I was having another line put in, but had presumed it would just be another PICC, which just goes into your arm and is basically a big cannula. However the doctors forgot to mention that if they couldn't, for whatever reason, put the PICC in, they were going to put in a Hickman! I DO NOT WANT A HICKMAN. They go from your groin all the way up into your heart, with the risk of collapsing a lung. No thanks.
They had to let me talk to other patients with Hickman lines in before I would agree to go ahead with it, and even then I REALLY didn't want one. They put me to sleep with another general anesthetic and when I woke up I was so relieved to find out I didn't have a Hickman. So relieved.
I had only 1 drug (except for anti-sickness and steroids, which are tablets I have to have every day) and that drug was fine, it just takes a whole 2 hours, which kind of sucks.
Wednesday was fine, really, with just that 1 drug and a whole load of sausage rolls. I love sausage rolls. Thursday started off fine, but I felt so ridiculously sick in the afternoon, it was awful. Same went for Friday, but Thursday was definitely worse.
I met this guy on Friday who was having chemo for the second time. He had had leukemia before, but it had just come back again. His new chemo will last 3 years and 5 months, poor guy I feel really sorry for his family, because his sister had cancer too.
I stayed home at the weekend, so yeah, that was my first week of chemotherapy.
Bye,
Mitt xox
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